Not just a gift but a wrapped gift

People often describe children as gifts. I have heard many say that the difference between a biological child and an adopted child is that the adopted child comes wrapped. You don't know what it is inside until you open it up. My experience has been that all children are wrapped gifts. They are in no way clones of their biological parents but it doesn't change the psychology involved. With biological children, parents tend to project assumptions as who their children will be. They assume they will be some combination of mini-them and mini-their partner. I was a good student, I assumed my kids would be good students. My husband and I both have hazel eyes, we knew our children would have hazel eyes too. My husband and I both wear strong prescription glasses, we assumed that it was only a matter of time until our sons would needs glasses too. I blame their asthma on me and their extensive need for orthodontic treatment on their father. We explain our biological children's idiosyncrasies by comparing them to ourselves, their DNA providers. Our second son is not all that verbally expressive, oh, he takes after my husband. He is also artistic, oh, just like his mom. A woman I met at an adoptive families program told me a funny story about the kinds of matter of fact and humorous ways their family talks about adoption. She and her two sons (one biological, the other adopted) pulled in to order food at a drive through restaurant. She asked her sons if they wanted ice cream. Her biological son immediately said, "I do!" The adopted son said that his tummy didn't feel like ice cream. Laughing, the mother proclaimed, "ADOPTED!" and the kids knowingly laughed. Of course, in the end, our biological children are whole lot different than their biological parents. They are always their own people and never actual clones of their parents but we tend not to focus on the differences unless they become sources of conflict (how does my kid not play football? I was the captain of the football team!). My oldest is an actor, film maker and technology prodigy. Where did he get that from? Ummm. . .the acting thing must come from my sister?. . .we do this. With our wrapped present there is no waiting to watch the unfolding of family traits hidden in her genetic blueprint. We place no limitations on how talented at something she could be, how tall she could be, how smart she could be. Truth is, it would be better if that is how we looked at our biological kids instead of projecting all sorts of expectations on them but it is only natural to look at our adopted children as gifts that came in wrapping paper. Discovering our gift, CD, and who she is and who she is becoming is truly a wonderous journey. Will she like sports? Would she be a great gymnast? Will she be academically inclined? Will her blond hair stay blond? Will she always be so pretty? Will her assertive, queen bee personality translate into her being a class president one day? CD is a character. She is endlessly entertaining with the way she makes up songs, insists on countless accessories, is obsessed with wearing oversized flip-flops and blows kisses to her friends at the end of the school day as she says, "bye friends!" I cringe as her uninhibited self tells me, in a loud voice, "that lady has big arms!" Or asks me, "what is that big bandaid on that girl's face? (a large birth mark), what are those things on that boy's legs (braces)?" Who did she get this personality from? Who knows. Who cares. What is going to happen next? I can't wait to find out.